Crossover Series Ep3
by Whip-Owl
Summary: The Doctor and and his two companions go after a threat. They end up meeting Maxwell Smart, discussing if phone boxes should have phones, and ending up part of a fight that just gets absurd when dead people become involved.
1. Pre-Credits

Pre-Credits

(Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or Get Smart. Or Star Wars, because admittedly there's a fair amount of that here too, especially in this first chapter. Uh . . . someone review please.)

Darth Dezruction paced in front of the man, light saber in hand, even if it wasn't lit. "So you'll help me with Caelix and the Doctor?" She wanted to know.

"You're asking for two people for the price of one." He told her in that weird accent of his. "That is not how we do things around here."

Dezruction let out an impatient sigh. "Two things." She told him. "First, I'm not asking you to _kill _the Doctor, just distract him so I can. Putting Caelix in danger would do that anyway." Truth be told, she could probably kill Caelix too. But her worst secret, one she would kill anyone except Caelix himself if they found out, was that she couldn't kill her brother, and that was who Caelix was. "Second off," She continued, "Lethal weapon here." She lit the saber.

That man's eyes widened, but aside from that he seemed frustratingly unresponsive. Maybe it was the size, Dezruction's light sabers were shorter than the normal ones. Luckily he did give in. "Fine, we will kill this Caelix and keep the Doctor busy, but only if you do us a favor first."

Dezruction backed away, turning her light saber off. She had no problem with that. She was a Sith who was not only a former Skywalker, but had a power that no one else did. She could shred organs with the Force. Admittedly it was exhausting, and she had to be pretty much dead to the world to do it, but it was effective. She had done it to Caelix and that was why he had been forced to retire from being a Jedi.

"Alright, what do you want me to do?" She asked.

The man gave what looked like a smile, and said simply, "Get Smart."


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Dezruction walked across the street. She'd changed out of her all black, very conspicuous Sith outfit and had made sure her eyes were no longer yellow. Luckily she had never been mutilated like most Sith had, since that would've been harder to hide.

After telling her to 'get Smart' the man, Siegfried she believed he was called, had filled her in on the specifics. This should be simple enough.

She walked over to a coffee shop with tables outside. She was pleased to see the man she was looking for was at one of those tables. She'd hated to have gone inside. Dezruction bumped into the table, making the coffee cup wobble. She used the Force to make sure it didn't fall over. "Oh I'm so terribly sorry." She said.

"No, no my," The man looked up.

Dezruction interrupted. "Wait. Are you Maxwell Smart?"

"Yes that's me. And who are you?"

Dezruction gave a gasp, trying not to show the disgust at having to do so. "I'm Carrie, and I've been looking for you. I have something to tell you."

"Well then," He waved his hand at the seat next to him.

For a moment they both stayed how they were. Then Dezruction realized what his unfinished sentenced meant he was waiting for. "Oh, oh no. This isn't a good place to talk." She dropped lower and whispered, "It's secret. I-if you could come with me,"

"I'm sorry ma'am. I'm afraid I can't do that." Max said. He picked his newspaper back up.

Dezruction turned around and tried to think of what to say. The fact was, subtlety had never really been her thing. _So forget using it. _She thought. She whipped her light saber out and flung it at Max. His eyes grew wide as he saw it coming and he ducked, the saber narrowly missing him. Dezruction brought the saber right back into her hand using the Force, but at this point Max had like an sensible human would and run away.

Dezruction took off after him. It was so considerate of the people know screaming to run out of the way.

Max meanwhile, having completely forgotten about his shoe phone, was looking for a phone booth. He saw one. It was a actually a blue police box, but it would do. He reached it just as a man in a bow tie opened it. Max smashed into him and the two fell into the box.

What was strange was, there shouldn't have been room to fall over completely. Max looked up. "Hold on . . . this box is bigger on the inside."

"Yes it is." The man under him agreed. "Could you get off me now?"

"Oh, sure." Max got up, as did the other man, and the two brushed off. The Doctor was a little puzzle by how well Max was taking this, until he asked, "So, where's the phone?"

* * *

"Doctor, where are we going?" Aggie asked as she, the Doctor, and Caelix sped through space in the TARDIS. The Doctor had certainly left in a hurry.

"We're going to help Caelix with recapture his crazy killer sister." The Doctor told her.

"Thanks." Caelix said, clearly not actually grateful.

"What's weird is that she somehow went back in time. Those ships of yours must move faster than I thought." The Doctor told Caelix. "Or maybe time was just timey-wimey thing."

"Timey-wimey?" Aggie questioned.

"Yes." He paused. "Ah. We're here." The Doctor walked to the door and opened it. That's when Max came through the door and they both fell back in, much to Aggie and even Caelix's surprise.

* * *

"How can you have a phone booth with bathrooms, bedrooms, a library and no actually phone?" Max wanted to know.

"Well it's not actually a phone booth." The Doctor informed him.

"Don't be ridiculous. It looks like a phone booth." Max argued. "If it wasn't a police box why would it say that on the outside?"

"Because, it's a disguise. It's really a TARDIS. Phone booth on the outside, TARDIS on the inside. See how that works?"

Max opened his mouth and looked like he was going to say yes, then he didn't. "No."

"Right. Don't worry, no one does." The Doctor assured him.

Max looked around at the other two in the room for the first time. Then he returned his gaze to the Doctor. "Who are you people?"

"Ah. Hello. I'm the Doctor. That's Caelix Skywalker, and Aggie . . . Aggie I don't know your last name. Do you have a last name?"

Aggie decided not to point out everyone had a last name. "It's Emmons." She told him.

"And Aggie Emmons." The Doctor finished up.

"I'm Maxwell Smart." Max introduced.

"Pleasure to meet you. Now, what are you doing in my TARDIS?" The Doctor wanted to know.

"Well I was here to call the police a lady named Carrie out there throwing glowing knives." Max explained. Caelix was trying not to show emotion, but Aggie could see him give a gasp. Max was oblivious though, shockingly enough. "She's crazy."

"She's my sister." Caelix told him.

"Your sister." The double take was obvious on Max's face. "Your _sister_? What kind of people are you?"

"Have you ever watched Star Wars?" The Doctor asked.

"No." Max replied.

"Good. Because Caelix isn't a thing like the other Skywalkers."

"Hey!" Caelix shouted, clearly insulted.

"The last time I told you you were starting to look like Anakin you tried to spear me with your light saber." The Doctor reminded him. "I didn't think you'd want to hear it again."

Aggie did a double take on Caelix. She hadn't noticed it before, but now that the Doctor pointed it out, he did have a resemblance to Anakin Skywalker.

"Fair enough." Caelix growled. He crossed his arms, only to uncross them and pull out his light saber and put it against Max's neck. Max froze in the doorway. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Well I was going to talk to the Chief and get help for this case." Max answered.

"Ah, that would be me. I'm the Doctor, I help earth."

"Well thank you, but I don't think you need to this time." He turned back to the door, and Caelix's light saber. "You can move that now." Max told him.

Caelix shook his head. "Nope."

Aggie shot Max an apologetic look. He might not have seen though, he was paying attention to Caelix. "Maybe I could take you back to headquarters. . ." He suggested.

"Yeah. I'd do that." Caelix replied.

* * *

Max led them down the hall, through the walls that closed behind them, and into a phone booth. Considering it didn't have bigger-on-the-inside technology it was a little cramped, luckily Max just had to put a quarter in to solve that problem. They all went flying down, smashing into the ground.

"You didn't warn me we were dropping down like that." The Doctor said, once again on the bottom of the heap.

"Sorry." Max said, getting off of him.

"I didn't get the chance to yell Geronimo." Max looked at him like he was crazy. Caelix just rolled his eyes and Aggie tried not to laugh.

"Max!" A voice yelled. They all turned. "What are these three imbeciles doing in here?!"

"Oo! Imbecile! I bet that's me!" The Doctor declared. He leapt to his feet, knocking Aggie off his back. She gave a little 'oof' as she hit the ground. "I'm the Doctor." He started shaking the other man's hand. "This is Caelix Skywalker, and Aggie Emmons. Yes! Last name! Got it!"

"Well hello Doctor, I'm the Chief."

"The Chief . . . you have a name?" The Doctor wondered.

"Do you?"

"Yes, everyone has a name. But mine would end the universe and we wouldn't want that."

"No. . ." The Chief agreed, clearly not believing this. He turned to Max. "Max what are these three doing here? This is a secret organization."

"Well you see, Carrie, his sister," Max pointed towards Caelix, "Who's going around with glowing daggers and trying to kill me. And they offered to help."

The Chief stood frozen for a moment. "I think we better go into my office."

* * *

"Do you really expect me to believe all this?" The Chief asked.

Caelix swung his light saber, moving it slower than most Jedi to avoid knocking down any walls. "The way is see it," He said, "You don't really have a choice. The proof's right in front of you."

"Right . . . Well Max, why didn't you use your shoe phone? There was no reason to go for a phone box." The Chief reminded him.

"I forgot." Max answered.

"You forgot?" Max wasn't listening though. He was taking off his shoe phone. "Well it's too late now Max!"

He stood back up, his phone in view. "It's blinking." Aggie pointed out. "Why is it blinking?"

"I've got a message." Max stated.

"But that's impossible. The only ones who know your number are in the agency and none of them have called you." The Chief argued.

The Doctor simply took out his sonic screwdriver, flicked it on, moved it across the shoe. The message started playing. "Hello Maxwell Smart. It's me, Carrie, of course most people call me Darth Dezruction. Now listen, I have weapons like nothing the world's ever seen, and even without that I have . . . sutler ways of killing people. I could easily wipe out the majority of the planet. I really don't think anyone who lives on it wants that, neither do you Caelix, Doctor, because I have no doubt you're there too."

The people in the room exchanged quick glances.

Dezruction's message continued. "So I have a very simple deal offer. Max, you give yourself up, and I promise not to start killing people on this planet at random." The Chief looked up at the others in the room. Dezruction gave them an address. "I expect you there by midnight Max." There was a beep as the message ended.

For a minute they were all silent. Aggie spoke first. "We can't let her take Max. Can we?"

"No of course not." The Doctor shook his head. "Dezruction will just kill him, and might not even keep her promise to leave earth alone."

"We'll have to think of another way." The Chief agreed. There was another pause. He turned to the Doctor. "Any suggestions?"

"Caelix, you know Dezruction better than any of. What-" He stopped mid-question. He had turned towards where Caelix was standing. Shame the Skywalker was no longer there.

"Where'd he go?" Aggie asked.

The Doctor turned to her with what seemed like a very un-Doctor like ominous look. "To Darth Dezruction."

* * *

Caelix walked through the halls of CONTROL. Someone had tried to stop him before, but he just pulled out a light saber and they backed off. There was one more person who was going to try though.

"Where are you going?" A man asked, walking up to him. He didn't sound like he really cared where Caelix was going.

Caelix pulled out his light saber. "Get lost." He instructed.

"That could take a while. I'd have to leave the country first." The man told him. But he turned around and started walking for the exit anyway.

Caelix, for one of the few times in his life, was speechless. He sputtered for a moment. "Hold it! I didn't want you to actually get lost!" He called.

"Then what did you want?"

Caelix sighed. "Just leave me alone. Get out of my way." This seemed to work a lot better. The man stepped to the side and Caelix walked past him. Once he did so, he started picking up speed, in case the man changed his mind, or in case the Doctor noticed he'd left the room.

(I think I reached a point in this chapter there were so many characters some of them became useless bodies. But on another topic, everyone knows who Caelix ran into right?)


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

(I'm pretty sure I should mention now I'm pretty sure I disregard every rule about Force ghost.)

The house Dezrcution had directed Max to had no actual door, it had been boarded up. That wasn't a problem for Caelix though. He just took out his light saber and just cut the wood away from the door way. He didn't bother putting his light saber back into his belt. He just started silently walking through the rooms, looking for Dezrcution.

He finally found her on the second floor, in the only room with a closed door. She was looking out the window and hadn't seemed to notice him yet. Caelix moved forward. Once he was in range he swung his saber. At the last minute Dezruction whirled around and blocked Caelix's yellow light saber in two of her smaller ones. "I sensed you coming." She snarled. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't?"

"I suppose I can hope." Caelix replied. He pulled his light saber away and took a step back. The circled each other, but neither of them attacked. Caelix sort of wondered why. Dezruction could use the Force, he couldn't. She could easily kill him.

"What are you doing here?" Dezruction finally asked him. "I asked for Maxwell Smart."

"Yes and that's what's bothering me." Caelix told her. "Max is a useless waste of human mass,"

"I'm glad we agree on that." Dezruction muttered under her breath.

Caelix kept talking as if she hadn't. "What could you possibly have to gain from killing him?" Dezruction didn't say anything, just glared at him. He tried not to shiver at her eyes, which she had let become yellow again. "Oh come on, you're going to kill me. You could give away your darkest secret and no one would ever now."

Dezruction laughed. Seeing his baffled expression she waved a hand dismissively. "Irony. Now, I can use the Force, you can't." She tossed both her light sabers into the air, catching them again. "Why should I have a conversation with you?"

Caelix smiled. "Because you already are."

Dezruction turned away, and Caelix tensed up. He knew when she turned away she'd be more dangerous when she turned back, he'd known her his entire life after all. "Oh what the heck, I'm killing you anyway." She turned back to him. "I talked to a man from this planet named Siegfried. He's promised to . . . 'take care of' you and the Doctor if I kill Mr. Smart."

"And if he was lying?"

Dezruction shrugged. "Then I kill him and everyone in his little organization. Now if you'll excuse me," She swung both sabers.

Caelix backed off at the last minute. "Anakin Skywalker!" He called out.

Dezruction laughed. "You have to use the Force to call a Force ghost. That's how. . ." She trailed off as Anakin Skywalker actually showed up.

"Not if you've called them before." Caelix pointed out.

"Caelix? How did you age that fast?" Anakin wanted to know.

"Oh right. Long story, but I'm sort of not from this time." Caelix explained.

Anakin gave him a blank look. "Look, she's going to kill me." Caelix jerked his head at Dezruction, who was no lifting her light sabers back up. "So if you help like right now." Anakin stepped into Caelix and disappeared. Caelix lifted his own saber and blocked. "Now I can use Anakin's Force abilities. And there's no one who can do that better than him."

"True." Dezruction stepped back again. "No _one _is more powerful than him." At that moment another ghost showed up. He looked like he was the Emporer, but there wasn't time to get a good look before he stepped into Dezruction. She had somehow, not shockingly, called him without actually talking. "But two people, maybe."

She charged again. Caelix blocked her first saber. She tried to stab him with the second one, so he did a flip over her. With how often they flipped and bounced off the walls, it was no surprise they switched positions at some point in the fight. Dezruction was now in front of the door, while Caelix was by the window.

They continued to fight for a little longer. Caelix knocked one of Dezruction's light sabers out of her hand, but it didn't really matter; she had two more in her belt. Then she used 3 out of 4 of them. 2 of them were used to block Caelix's light saber. Then before he could free his light saber, she kicked her third saber into the air, knocking Caelix's out of his hands. It went flying backwards.

That's when the TARDIS showed up behind Caelix. The Doctor opened the door and once again, he got a rude reception. The light saber flew towards the entrance. Aggie screamed and ducked, the saber narrowly missing her.

"Well I'd say that's new, but it didn't happen all that long ago." The Doctor said. He stepped out of the TARDIS. "If I may say, the 4 of you are lucky you didn't blow up, I hear that can happen if too many strong Force users are in the same body."

"Wait, 4?" Aggie questioned.

"How did you know Doctor?" Caelix wanted to know.

"Because I'm not really the Doctor. Not right now anyway." 'The Doctor' paused a moment to let that sink in before continuing. "Hello there. I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Aggie stood there looking at him with complete and utter shock. Max just looked confused. Dezruction scoffed. "So what? You don't have a weapon."

"Now he does." Caelix argued. He flicked his hand and Dezruction's light saber she had left on the ground went flying into his hand. The 3, or 6 as the case may be, continued their fight.

"Is this always how things are with him?" Max asked, pointing at the Doctor.

"Well, I've only been the Doctor's companion twice." Aggie admitted. Then she let out a yell as a light saber swung right towards her neck. She and Max ducked, slamming their heads together and ending up on the floor. Aggie rubbed her head. "But those times, yes."

They once again had to dodge as a light saber swung right the ground. They both pushed away, narrowly missing getting their hands cut off. "Missed us by that much." Max pointed out. After a pause in which the two stared at the fight, Max spoke again. "I'm not one to judge, but we should probably leave the room."

"Yeah. Probably." Aggie agreed, closing her eyes to avoid giving him a look.

The 2 went to a wall and walked along it to stay as far from the fight as possible. Walking against the wall, they turned the corner and reached the door without incident. They left the room and went out into the hall.

There was a mini-table nearby with a fruit basket. "Oo, fruit." Max walked over and took out a banana. He walked back over to Aggie standing in the doorway and started peeling it, but before he could take a bite a glowing light was revealed in the center of the banana. "Well that's not right."

"It's making a bleepy-weepy noise." The Doctor added.

Aggie put two and two together. "Max that's a bomb!" She cried out.

"A bomb?!" Max threw the banana in the air. Aggie screamed out. Odds were, if the banana bomb hit the ground it would go off.

Then Dezruction extended her hand and the banana hovered there. Caelix and the Doctor, or Anakin and Obi-Wan as the case may have been, froze. If they attacked Dezruction now she'd probably lose focus and drop the banana.

Dezruction looked at everyone and grinned. "So this was Siegfried's plan."

"The old bomb in the banana trick." Max added.

Dezruction stopped and looked at him, opened her mouth, then seemed to decide it was best not to comment. She started walking forward, going right between Aggie and Max. "Well gentlemen, this has been fun, but I really prefer not to be blown up by this bomb. So, good day." Then she used the Force to slam the door and the connection with the banana bomb was broken.

"TARDIS!" The Doctor yelled. No one needed further instruction.

The ground shook and the lights in the TARIDS flickered when they entered, but it held in one piece, and the Doctor took off before the roof of the house could fall on them or something along those lines.

Once the Doctor had taken off Obi-Wan and Anakin popped out of the Doctor and Caelix's bodies. "Wow." Aggie breathed.

"Well, thanks you 2." The Doctor spoke up. "We would've been in trouble if you hadn't shown up."

"I'm still not sure what's going on here." Obi-Wan pointed out.

"I'd like to know." Anakin added.

"Oh I'm sure Caelix can explain it to you. But, not right now. We've got to drop Max off and since I'm not sure how well ghosts travel in the TARDIS. . ." The Doctor waved his hands in a 'shoo' manner. "You might want to go."

"But-" Anakin started to object.

"Anakin that actually sounds like a good idea." Obi-Wan muttered. The rest of their conversation was much softer. Aggie strained to hear it, but Caelix gave a shake of his head. When Aggie turned her attention to Obi-Wan and Anakin again they were gone.

* * *

The Chief had been worried about the Doctor's plan, but there wasn't much choice in the matter, the Doctor would've used his box to go help either way. And now a strange noise was filling the room. The Chief looked up to see the TARDIS coming back in. He walked towards it.

He had just reached the door, when it opened outwards. The door hit the Chief's face and he stumbled back. "Sorry about that Chief." Max apologized. He had been the one to open the door.

"So how did you find me?" Caelix wanted to know, turning to the Doctor.

"I told them you had left." A familiar voice replied. Caelix turned to see the man from earlier who took everything literally.

"We would've figured it out anyway though." The Doctor added. "It wasn't hard."

Caelix crossed his arms and glared at him. "I should be upset, but considering Dezruction and I probably would've both been blown up in the bomb if you hadn't shown up, I suppose I can't."

"Dezruction set a bomb?" The Chief wanted to know.

"No, Siegfried set a bomb." The Doctor replied. "Apparently he was working with Dezruction, try to keep up."

"He was going to kill you and I while she went after Max." Caelix filled in.

"Then we have to go after Siegfried at once." The Chief decided. He turned to see the Doctor and his companions going back into the box though. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Oh off to save some galaxies, see some people. You handle Siegfried, we'll make sure no more people from other galaxies come to destroy you." The Doctor explained.

The Chief took a while to figure that one out. By the time he had the box was fading off again.

* * *

Aggie and Caelix both sat at the entrance of the TARDIS. They were in the middle of outer space, legs tangling off, and both were drinking tea. Actually, Aggie highly doubted the stuff in Caelix's cup was tea, but she didn't want to know what it was.

"Caelix, if you can use the Force when you're possessed, why don't you just do that more often?" Aggie asked.

"Oh a lot of reasons." Caelix sighed. "When you're possessed by a Force ghost it's hard to figure out who exactly is in charge, ghosts have better things to do than possess us all the time, I could blow up like the Doctor said." He laughed then. Actually laughed. Aggie was stunned.

They were quiet for a little longer. Aggie took a sip of her tea.

"Alright, what is?" Caelix asked.

"What?"

"I know you have another question. What is it?"

"How do you know the Doctor so well?" At Caelix's raised eyebrow she added, "Well, maybe not 'well', but you know him better than me."

"Of course I do, I've seen him more than you. Usually I've just seen him in passing, but there was one time, when I was an apprentice, he came to save our galaxy. I got to help him a little then, and his face was completely different."

"What?"

"Oh I haven't told you about that yet have I?" Both of them jumped. They hadn't heard the Doctor come over. "Long story short, I regenerate. Change faces and personalities. These things happen." Aggie just stared at him. He clapped his hands together. "Well we have galaxies to go to, people to see. Anywhere and anywhen in the entire universe. Take your pick."

"The only place I want to go is home." Caelix told him, getting up.

"Oh. Home. Well, I can take you there too."

"I'll go with you." Aggie offered.

The Doctor smiled. "Alright Aggie. First things first, let's drop off Caelix." He walked back to the controls.

The other 2 followed him, closing the doors behind them. Aggie had just reached the stairs when Caelix pushed her to the side. "Listen Aggie, there's something else you should know about the Doctor." He spoke in a hushed voice. He glanced at the Doctor. "He destroyed his home planet."

"Wh-what?"

"From what I understand he didn't have much choice, they were being destroyed by the daleks and he took the daleks with them. But. . ." Caelix sighed and shook his head. "I just thought you should know."

The TARDIS stopped moving. "Alright Caelix," The Doctor opened the door. "Off you get."

Caelix walked out. Aggie meanwhile, was staring at the Doctor with the new information. He turned to her. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

Aggie shook her head. "Nothing. I was just thinking about Caelix."

The Doctor nodded. "He's awfully angry for a Jedi."

"He's not a Jedi anymore." Aggie reminded him.

"True . . . but you'd think the habits of Jedi wouldn't go away that easily."

They both started after him in silence, the TARDIS door hanging open. Eventually Aggie broke the silence. "So Doctor, where to?"


End file.
